Outcasted Mold

                                   Don't you just hate to be different from the others though we are all
                                   molds who eat dirt and stand in the same ground. But the catch is
                                   being different is being unique. An outcasted mold is distinctive mold.

PACH things up (blog entry from Pach Von Doll) thanks pach ILY

SANITY!! COME BACK TO ME!! (this drug i laughingly called gael)

a few months ago, i got addicted to this new drug.
it gave me new highs.
it was fun.
but unfortunately, events led me to let the drugs go
and just stop. as soon as possible.
—
i am now in the process of flushing out the toxins.
it will be time-consuming and painful.  as usual.
there’s that feeling of throwing up, the lightheadedness
and the chest pain.
and the sleepless nights.
and the waking up raving mad.
i have done this a lot of times — i should’ve been used to it
but i still am not.
—
how did i let this thing take over me again?
haven’t i had enough?

—o0o—

LETTING GO.

this process is the hardest part.
specially when the temptation stares at you right in the face.
please, please DO NOT BLAME ME for letting myself get hooked
on it.
“events” led me to get drunk, intoxicated, —————-.
i was a gullible gullible woman.
i got so overthrown by its beauty.
it’s effects on me was insane.  high high high.
i loved it.
and i’m sure i will miss that feeling of being high with it.
—
when i finally got the rationale that it won’t be good for me
in the coming weeks, i finally decided to stop my madness.
although i really didn’t want to , i just have to.
for my sanity.
i wish i can get through this less painful than the previous one.
—
funny thing though:
when i want to get out of an addiction, i replace it with
something that turns out to be yet another addiction.
but it’s effective. i got out of the first one.

*hay siguro naman well-covered ko ang tracks ko ngayon.
people will never know who this guy is. yehehes!!
ang galing kasing manghula ng iba
—
kidding aside– this process is painful. really.
i just cant let it show again.
vulnerability is never my thing.
friends are used to be treating me like a shock absorber;
a fortress. i let them. it helps me think of anything else
and not worry about my future. hay.

btw–
HAPPY MOTHERF—–G VALENTINES EVERYONE.


famous last words:
“dapat kasi sa simula pa lang alam mo na
kung ano ang uubra sa hindi.yan ang sakit tuloy.”
(–my sis scolding me about gael.)

paint a tree

                                                     paint application/tree/ @ octobrekinse.blogspot.com

Cleopatra in Blu

                                                                 blu @octobrekinse.blogspot.com

Branawt

                                                                     Branawt

DRAW

pen and paper.. find something in google pictures and then copy. Practice!

FIRST THINGS FIRST

My first job was the hardest, I thought that memorizing page by page of books is just in school but then again I’m so wrong. I learned the ingredients of every line of perfume that the company have. And surprise with capricious life of my customers. I never imagine that a single person can spent fifty thousand pesos for perfumes and dress made by Ana Sui in Paris. Let’s not forget the ten thousand pesos jeans of True Religion and Pepper Cut, you can call these people with proper names capital HIGH SOCIETY. Yes you can imagine a poor mom can buy three meals for her family in the price of one fifty pesos. And a thousands are a lot for them, now that’s really unfair right?

The job introduced me to Guerlain Paris, Marc Jacobs, Stella Mccartney, Ermenegildo Zegna and Hermes. And it introduced me to the PERSERVERANCE, CONFIDENCE, and GUTTS to be different. I deposited the word kindness in my brain the day I resigned.

Baloon Vendor

WITCH doll

Winter Mind

Flashback to 2005 after the graduation...

After the hideous board exam which eventually I failed, it’s not my plan you can ensure my organizer and even my antique diary just to prove to you that aiming the license was a big mistake for someone like me.  I wasted too much time for nothing. I wasn’t at my best that time. I wasn’t even trying.

Regrets are marking my whole body piercing to my bones. I’m packed of what if’s and why cant’s given that I can’t revert everything from the start. So I moved on unsuspectingly the effect will soon to approach.

Since then I lost myself in the battlefield. I struggle a lot shifting things to my interest. One to three months of confusion. I stopped existing that day and started to be mute. Riding the MRT alone, walking to home alone, more time for sleeping, never attend any Sunday mass, never pay attention, and stay in one place. No one can talk to me like I use to talk to myself since I assumed no one can understand what I’m going through that time. Hiding was the right word and secrets are the reason.